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Sunday, July 15, 2012 @ 1:39 AM
. Hi titans, actually I was just writing my diary recounting our conversation over dinner just now, when many things I feel for just came pouring out. I kept pretty quiet during dinner just now because I felt for many things that I did not know how to tangibly express, but since I wrote down in my diary might as well just share with you all ba. :D As I heard you all talk about your many dreams ranging from living in farmhouses in New Zealand to travelling around the world right, I find myself unable to add to the conversation, and this is really because I personally do not believe that achieving such lofty ambitions will make me happy. I mean, whatever we want to achieve, has been achieved by some Tom, Dick or Harry lying around somewhere in the world, and do you think those who have achieved it are really happy? We talk about living in farmhouses after retirement, but I doubt those New Zealander farmers are really happy idling their time away, they must be worrying about some other shit right? And we talk about working in Google and Apple, yet is it really true that all their employees go to work each day with a megawatt smile on their faces? My point then, is that what we imagine the utopian future to be is often not the case, that each person in any situation faces his own set of problems, and has his own set of desires. Besides, without imagining how others must feel, I think we can just appreciate the situation we are in now. We are (perhaps more applicable to the girls) in a dream situation, a predicament that many students are fantasizing over actually. I remember when mugging As how good I imagined life after As would be, it was really like a perfect fantasy. I am sure many of you too desired so bloody much to be in the post-As period during the 2 years in JC right? We are like in the “New Zealand Farmhouse” as imagined by our juniors. Yet now that this honeymoon period is over, was it really as good as you imagined it to be? Been there, done that (at least for 2 months or so), and for me really it was just alright. I stand by my point so strongly that lofty ambitions are not the way to achieve happiness based on personal experience too. From P1 to Secondary school, I thought that life would be perfect once I got past the test right in front of me; when I was facing each of my piano exam, I craved day and night for it to be over. When mugging for As, I thought getting the As would really be the real deal – then I got all of them and it felt great, then the feeling subsided and the next thing I knew, I was booking into camp once more and practical concerns like the IPPT down the line became another source of concern. Each time I reached where I desired, I realized it was not the “Promised Land” at all - it was further down the road. But after countless repetitions of such a vicious cycle, I soon saw the pattern and realized that really any freaking place can be the “Promised Land”. I can’t bring myself to believe that doing anything in the future our achieving anything can bring about my happiness, so I stop fantasizing on what I want to do. I come to see life as just a matter of planning for the future but living in the now, which is certainly easy to say but really bloody hard to do. Yet it still my sincerest belief that if we can live each present moment well and be happy living each present moment, at the end of the day (or rather life) we would have pretty much lived a pretty goddamn happy and great life. Agree not? szeyuan |
